Jon Venables given new identity as George OsborneJon Venables was given a new secret identity as George Osborne the Tory Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer GutClean can now reveal.
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| Sicko Shadow Chancellor George Osborne as he was then (note that for legal reasons we are unable to publish the full sickening image though it is widely available on the internet) |
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| Sicko child killer Jon Venables as he is now (note that for legal reasons we are unable to publish the full sickening image though it is widely available on the internet) |
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Twisted
And in a surprising new development certain to provoke outrage in Westminster we can also now reveal that it was originally planned to give Venables Gordon Brown's identity who was then Chancellor of the Exchequor until it was pointed out by the present Lord Mandelson that there might be constitutional issues involved if Gordon Brown were ever to become Prime Minister. BelizeMeanwhile the Conservative party was in a state of total disarray tonight as it refused to either confirm or deny sickening rumours circulating like wildfire round Westminister about the real reason Venables has been recalled to prison the full sickening truth of which GutClean has been prevented by a court injunction from revealing though we can confirm it may or may not be something to do with Belize or somewhere like that. Autoerotic asphyxiation
David Cameron issued a statement tonight denying that there was anything out of the ordinary in the arrangement and called the whole thing a stuffed parrot as dead as a dodo suspended in a tank of formaldehyde dredged up by New Labour in a bid to hide the true identity of Lord Mandelson and funny isn't it how the BBC never seem to ask questions about Mary Bell another convicted child murderer we never ever get to hear much about these days either. Partner
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| William Hague as he is the last time we looked (note that for aesthetic reasons we have decided against publishing the full sickening image though it is widely available on the internet) |
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In a separate development William Hague the Shadow Foreign Secretary issued a statement denying that he was a business partner of Lord Ashcroft another peer like Lord Mandelson or that he had ever accompanied George Osborne on jaunts to places like Belize and as for rumours circulating like wildfire round Westminster on the true identity of the new George Osborne all he could say was that he had known the new George Osborne for a few days now and he seemed a throroughly decent chap to him without a functioning brain cell in his head as far as he could tell just like the old George Osborne and that was as far he was prepared to go at this point in time because he wasn't going to get fucking caught out a second time round thank you and what was the point anyway because Dave had obviously totally fucking lost it and he at least had a peerage to look forward so the whole fucking lot of us could go stuff ourselves in a tank of formaldehyde as far he was concerned.
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Have your say
Have you ever met George Osborne? Perhaps you've been touched up by him in the past? Or you're even banged up with the evil monster right now and feel you've got your back to the wall and you're fearful for the future? Get in touch with us right now with your story and we'll see you right maybe even get you some time off if you handle it right.
Or perhaps even better you're one of those Belize laptail dancers or whatever they're called or could pass yourself off as one because you're dark skinned and look a bit malnourished and you've probably got a raging coke habit you can't control and no doubt your professional interests lie in organising intergenerational bisex twin encounters? If so we'd certainly like to hear from you! Just send us your email and how much you would like from us to make up your story and we'll send you a blank cheque and a bag of goodies to help out with your problem and totally take care of the rest of it for you so just chill out and don't worry about a thing!
Or perhaps you can dish out some dirt on that other pervy looking freak David Miliband because he's another total looking cunt we'd like to completely fucking nobble as well.
Just fill out the form below in total anonymity. You'll be so glad you did!
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