Mrs. C***** H*****
Customer Relations
TV Licensing TM
www.tvlicensing.co.uk
Bristol
BS98 1TL
21 March 2007
Your ref: COM/224767
Dear Mrs. H*****,
I have yet to receive your reply to my
letter of around 8th March 2007.
I have today received a letter from TV
Licensing TM dated 10th March 2007
to the effect that a visitor from TV Licensing TM
is to visit me to' verify the position', by which I take it they mean
to investigate whether or not I am telling the truth when I say I do
not require a TV license.
In the first place I do not understand
their letter because at the second paragraph I read:
'By visiting these households we hope
to identify all such evaders and we can also ensure that those who,
like yourself, legitimately need no contact from Television Licensing
are not troubled unnecessarily in the future'.
But if TV Licensing TM
concede (what I know already) that I legitimately need no contact
from them, why are they in that case troubling me at all?
It's quite plain to me that TV
Licensing TM believes that I am evading
the license fee and are effectively conducting a criminal
investigation into me and I find that absolutely intolerable.
Why is TV Licensing TM
criminalising me in this fashion? I utterly disbelieve that TV
Licensing TM routinely visit the (surely)
more than a million (at least) households who do not require a
television license, either because they can't afford TV or because
they do not like TV (to suggest but two good reasons why they may not
require a license), as a matter of standard procedure. So why am I
singled out?
It's as plain as a pikestaff that TV
Licensing TM's assertion that this visit
is a standard procedure is as disingenuous as its remark at their
second paragraph noted above and I have to say that I find it
nauseating.
We shall therefore not be at home to
visitors from TV Licensing TM.
I trust that I shall shortly hear from
you on behalf of TV Licensing TM.
In my last letter I mentioned I
intended to charge my time at 500 pounds sterling an hour in friendly sodality with the
Director General of the BBC. However since then I happen to have
embarked on an intricate and deeply profound investigation (I am a
mathematician) of the greatest possible import and consequence for
the future of humanity and which requires all my commitment and
concentration. Reflecting the magnitude of this work, and mindful of
the great cost and impediment to its progress represented by TV
Licensing TM, I therefore propose to
increase my fee to 5,000 pounds sterling an hour and cannot necessarily
undertake that I will keep it at this level should this matter
continue to drag on in the way it currently is.
This letter took me two hours to
prepare and the bill for my time thus currently stands at 15,250 pounds sterling.
Yours sincerely,
William Boyd
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